Southern Comfort

I did not realize we were all enrolled this week in a graduate seminar titled Advanced Net Cutting Etiquette and Moral Philosophy.

But apparently we are.

ETSU won the Southern Conference regular season championship.

Outright.

With two games to spare.

No calculators. No chaos. No scoreboard watching.

It’s Senior Night and the final home game.

They cut the nets, and my Twitter timeline reacts like Michigan just lost to App State again.

“But they lost.”

“You don’t cut nets after a loss.”

“Act like you’ve been there before.”

Ya know what’s funny?

We lost a game and STILL were champs. The outcome DID NOT MATTER.

That’s the part melting brains.

The loss didn’t change the standings. Didn’t change the banner. Didn’t change the trophy. The league was already clinched. Outright. With two games left.

I’m begging everyone to hydrate.

Apparently the new rule in Net Cutting Etiquette says the final box score must perfectly align with the scissors. If you clinch early but drop the last home game, you’re supposed to politely jog off the floor and schedule a more aesthetically pleasing celebration later.

That’s not how this works.

And this isn’t new.

In 2020, ETSU clinched the regular season at home against Western Carolina and cut the nets then too. Nobody called a press conference about it. Nobody demanded ceremonial reform. It was normal because it was masked by Patrick Good’s insane comeback. If we had lost that game we would have STILL had ladders out.

Because as a mid-major, this is what you do when you win your league.

Gonzaga just clinched a share of their conference title and cut the nets. A share. Not even the outright yet. And somehow the scissors police are silent.

And let’s not ignore the obvious.

It was Senior Night.

The last time those guys walk off that floor in the regular season. You don’t tell seniors, “Sorry, can you come back Wednesday at 2 PM so we can cut the nets in a quieter emotional setting?”

You celebrate what you earned.

At home.

In front of your fans.

Here’s my last point and where it gets even funnier.

The same people spiraling about ceremonial etiquette are going to look up next week in Asheville and see exactly what they see every single year:

Blue and gold everywhere.

ETSU will still have the most fans in the building. Like they do every time. Freedom Hall East. It’s not arrogance. It’s attendance history.

Are we adding fuel to the fire by saying that?

Absolutely.

Will it matter when the Cherokee Center feels like Johnson City East?

We will see.

They won the league.

They won it outright.

They won it early.

They lost a game that didn’t matter.

They celebrated anyway.

If that breaks Net Cutting Etiquette, I guess we’ll keep being rude.

See you in Asheville.