Southern Comfort

Four weeks into the season, and the Southern Conference is beginning to make sense. Just kidding.

ETSU won but still needs to learn how to finish games. Chattanooga threw for 46 yards and beat Wofford by 34. Western Carolina remembered how offense works, and VMI completed more passes than Chattanooga despite running the triple option.

Tennessee Tech didn’t play anybody this weekend (per usual).

Let’s rank some football teams.

1. ETSU (2-2)

Beat West Georgia, 35-27

We won. Great. Love winning. Would eventually like to experience it without spending the fourth quarter reconsidering my cardiovascular health.

There was plenty to like. Mason Mims connected with Brandon Winton on an 88-yard touchdown (longest passing TD in school history), Mike Jenkins had a pick-six, and ETSU put together a beautiful 18-play touchdown drive. Unfortunately, West Georgia also threw for 347 yards and had an opportunity to tie the game in the final minute.

Here’s where I’m at: ETSU needs to learn how to win football games. I bolded that to emphasize the importance. We have the talent and we’ve seen the explosive plays. Now we need to figure out how to take control, maintain it, and put somebody away.

Western Carolina coming to Johnson City is a huge opportunity to do exactly that. It’s a conference opponent, a rivalry game, and a chance to establish what this football team is capable of. Our passing defense has some work to do before Saturday.

I will be at the Blue Ridge Border Battle on Saturday. Where else would I want to be?

ETSU remains No. 1. Obviously.

2. Furman (2-2)

Lost to South Carolina State, 20-17

Furman went into Macon and ended Mercer’s 12-game conference winning streak, then lost by three to a ranked South Carolina State team. I can live with that.

The Paladins trailed 17-3 at halftime before backup quarterback Connor Ackerley helped bring them back. His 67-yard touchdown pass to Luke Shields made it a three-point game late, but Furman couldn’t finish the comeback.

The running game needs work, but Furman already has a meaningful conference victory. That’s more than most teams can say.

They play Richmond next. Another respectable opponent. Furman apparently assembled its September schedule by asking which schools would be the least enjoyable to play.

I respect the commitment.

3. Chattanooga (2-2)

Beat Wofford, 41-7

Chattanooga completed three passes Saturday and won by 34 points. I genuinely don’t know what to do with this information.

The Mocs rushed for 310 yards, scored four rushing touchdowns and recorded six sacks. Journey Wyche and Kevin Lalin both surpassed 100 rushing yards.

My favorite statistic? VMI completed eight passes this weekend. Chattanooga completed three. VMI runs the triple option.

Chattanooga is now operating a passing attack that makes VMI look like 2019 LSU.

Eventually, somebody is going to stop the run and force the Mocs to throw. I’d love to see the emergency procedure for that situation. But you can’t ignore what they just did to Wofford.

The Citadel is next. Two programs with very different interpretations of normal football.

I’m excited.

4. Western Carolina (2-2)

Beat Presbyterian, 58-14

There they are.

Western Carolina finally looked like the offense everybody expected. The Catamounts produced 659 yards, including 325 rushing. Josh Perry ran for 142 yards and three touchdowns, while Lex Thomas threw for 268.

A welcome development after Western’s offense rushed for one yard against Campbell and its defense allowed Cincinnati to rush for 418 the following week. Two different statistics. Neither particularly encouraging.

They even made their kicks. Bryan McCollum made all three field goals and all seven extra points. Western Carolina has discovered special teams. I’m delighted for everyone involved.

Now, Presbyterian isn’t Campbell, and it certainly isn’t Cincinnati. But Western needed a game like this.

Next up: ETSU. Western can score, and ETSU’s passing defense has provided enough concerning material to fill an entire PowerPoint presentation.

See you in Johnson City. I wish Cole could join.

5. Mercer (2-2)

Lost to Georgia Tech, 44-11

Mercer drops another spot, and this has very little to do with Georgia Tech. Losing to an ACC team is fine. Collect the check, get on the bus, stop somewhere for a chicken sandwich.

The Furman loss is what matters. Five turnovers, four interceptions and a 12-game conference winning streak that no longer exists.

Meanwhile, Chattanooga just demolished Wofford, and Western Carolina finally looked like the offense everybody expected.

Mercer is still talented, but I’m not giving the Bears credit for what they accomplished last year when we’re trying to figure out what everybody looks like right now.

Fifth. Figure it out.

6. Wofford (2-2)

Lost to Chattanooga, 41-7

I have absolutely no idea what Wofford is.

The Terriers beat The Citadel by 28, beat Gardner-Webb despite being outgained by 230 yards, then competed with Kent State into the fourth quarter. I was beginning to believe.

Chattanooga then ran for 310 yards and beat them by 34. Chattanooga completed three passes. Everybody knew what was coming. Wofford apparently did not.

You cannot build your identity around defense and allow opponents to treat your defensive line like a revolving door at the Park Lane Hotel.

The offense isn’t helping, either. Wofford managed nine first downs and surrendered six sacks. Terrence Honeywood’s 75-yard touchdown accounted for most of the afternoon’s excitement.

Tennessee Tech comes to Spartanburg next. Wofford, I’m begging you to stop the run. I’ve spent three weeks defending this football team.

Please stop making me look ridiculous.

7. The Citadel (1-2)

Bye week

The Citadel didn’t play this weekend, which gave me some time to reflect on its season.

I have reached no conclusions.

The Bulldogs lost to Wofford by 28, beat FBS Charlotte in triple overtime and then lost to Charleston Southern in double overtime. They allowed 538 yards against Charlotte and won. They allowed 188 against Charleston Southern and lost.

I’ve reviewed the statistics several times. I even tried reading them in a different order.

Nothing.

Now they host Chattanooga, which just won by 34 while completing three passes. This game could feature approximately 120 rushing attempts and set organized football back 70 years.

Somewhere, a retired fullback will shed a tear.

8. VMI (0-4)

Lost to Davidson, 27-24 (OT)… But are moving up in the rankings!!!

Gosh, I love VMI. I texted my boys when they tied the game and forced OT. I felt like a proud father.

Last week, the Keydets held Bucknell scoreless for three quarters. This week, they went to Davidson, built an early lead and forced overtime after Ian Reynolds found Halim Hardnett for a 75-yard touchdown with 38 seconds remaining. Unfortunately, VMI fumbled in overtime and lost.

But look at the progress! Leo Boehling rushed for 102 yards, the defense recorded five sacks, and Reynolds completed eight passes for 135 yards.

Eight completions. Chattanooga completed three.

Ashley Ingram has somehow transformed the triple option into an Air Raid offense without informing anybody. I’m kidding. Please don’t abandon the option. I’m personally invested in this experiment.

Samford is next. Both teams are winless, and somebody has to win.

Ashley, this is our Super Bowl.

Give me one.

9. Samford (0-3)

Bye week

Samford didn’t play this weekend. Probably for the best.

The Bulldogs opened the season with negative-eight rushing yards, improved to 70 the following week and then allowed Tennessee Tech to score 45 points. Not an ideal progression.

John Grass inherited a program that won one game last year, so I’m not expecting an immediate turnaround. But eventually, Samford needs to show some progress.

Fortunately, the Bulldogs have an opportunity to get their first win against VMI this weekend.

Unfortunately, I’ve become emotionally attached to VMI.

Sorry, Samford. Nothing personal.

10. UNCG (0-0)

Four weeks into the season. Still undefeated. Still haven’t allowed a point.

No turnovers. No penalties. No injuries. No quarterback controversy.

No football team.

An extraordinary operation.

11. Tennessee Tech (3-0)

Bye week

Tennessee Tech didn’t play this weekend. Wonderful.

Let’s review the résumé: Monmouth, Chattanooga and Samford. Yes, the Monmouth win was good. I’ve acknowledged that repeatedly, but I am changing my opinion. We don’t know if Monmouth is good right now.

Chattanooga completed four passes against Tech. Samford is 0-3. I’m not declaring Cookeville the new capital of college football because the Golden Eagles successfully navigated that schedule.

Now Tech goes to Wofford, which just allowed Chattanooga to rush for 310 yards. If Tech runs for 400, I don’t want to hear about how they’ve revolutionized offensive football. I want somebody to investigate Wofford’s defensive line.

If Wofford wins, I may personally drive to Spartanburg and shake Shawn Watson’s hand.

Tech remains No. 11. UNCG hasn’t allowed a point.

What would you do in this situation? My hands are tied.

What Did We Learn?

ETSU needs to learn how to finish games, and Western Carolina coming to Johnson City is a huge opportunity to do exactly that. Furman continues to look solid, while Mercer needs to respond to its conference-opening loss.

Chattanooga apparently doesn’t need the forward pass. Wofford desperately needs to discover run defense. The Citadel remains completely impossible to understand.

VMI is 0-4, completed more passes than Chattanooga and nearly won in overtime. I’m more invested than ever.

UNCG remains undefeated. Tennessee Tech had a bye week.

Next Saturday gives us ETSU–Western Carolina, Chattanooga–The Citadel, VMI–Samford and Wofford–Tennessee Tech.

Actual conference football. Finally.

ETSU is No. 1. UNCG is ahead of Tech. Tech is last.

Those are constitutional.